Sunday, March 26, 2006

Republican Dictionary

Not really sure where my good friend got these, but it’s words out of the Republican Dictionary:

1 .alternative energy sources - New locations to drill for gas and oil
2. bankruptcy - A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations
3 .class warfare - Any attempt to raise the minimum wage
4. climate change - The day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans
5. compassionate conservatism - Poignant concern for the very wealthy
6. creationism - Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental
7. Democracy - So extensively exported that the domestic supply is depleted
8. Fox News - Faux news11. free markets - Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense
9. God - Senior presidential adviser
10. growth - The justification for tax cuts for the rich; What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich
11. healthy forest - No tree left behind
12. honesty - Lies told in simple declarative sentences e.g.,"Freedom is on the march."
13. House of Representatives - Exclusive club; entry fee$1 million to $5 million
14. laziness - When the poor are not working18. leisure time - When the wealthy are not working
15. liberals - Followers of the Antichrist
16. 9/11 - Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy
17. No Child Left Behind - There are always jobs in the military
18. ownership society - A civilization where 1 percent of thepopulation controls 90 percent of the wealth
19. Patriot Act - The pre-emptive strike on American freedomsto prevent the terrorists from destroying them first
20. pro-life - Valuing human life until birth
21. staying the course - Slang. Saying and doing the same stupidthing over and over, regardless of the result
22. shit happens - Slang. Donald Rumsfeld as master historian
23. water - Arsenic storage device
24. woman - Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have the child; Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place

1 comment:

scott said...

wow. Its been a long time. i really like #22.